Every once in a while, screenwriters incorporate fake bands into the plots of their films. And every once in a while, I get to thinking: Why can’t some of these fake bands release a real album? Or a mix-tape? At least. These are my picks for the top 6 fake movie bands that should definitely drop a Beyoncé-style secret album:
This movie centers around Josie, the Pussycats and the absurd conspicuous consumption of the early 2000’s. However, it also features one of my favorite fake bands of all time: DuJour. Their single that never was, “Backdoor Lover,” was wildly catchy, and a song that, as an 8-year-old, I sang way too openly. I get the innuendo now, thank you very much. I’d have totally gone to a concert featuring bouncing, red-leather-pants-wearing, private-plane-flying boy band-ers.
The Weird Sisters, of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire fame, are a sick wizarding octet known for their hit single, “Do The Hippogriff.” What’s so appealing about their brief, but memorable, scene, is that Harry Potter actually danced to this music. Like, this is Harry, Hermione and Ron’s “Love in This Club.” Their Junior High dance party that was just raunchy enough to feel special and different from Middle School…
Pink Slip, Lindsay Lohan’s band from Freaky Friday, is just about the embodiment of teen angst– in the very best way. They practice in a garage, rock some seriously stripey highlights and even get a gig at House of Blues! Watching Pink Slip was the first time I really felt like I had rockstar potential. If Lilo could do it, so could I.
Who didn’t want to pledge allegiance to the band…of Mr. Schneebly? I sure did, and I definitely would not have fought him for creative control of the band. The concept behind School of Rock is out of sight. It’s part Kidz Bop, part ACDC, and these times could definitely use a taste of hardcore rock n’ roll with a hint of sweetness. We should all be so lucky.
Infant Sorrow’s ridiculous songs are made ever greater with each one of Aldous Snow’s strange, sexualized dance moves. So maybe, in this case, Infant Sorrow could release a video album? I’d even watch a reality television show featuring this guy. He’s so bizarre, but so perfect, from his melodious performance of “Inside of You” to his James Blunt-esque “We’ve Got To Do Something.”
The best for last: This. Is. Stillwater. Stillwater, a mixture of The Eagles, Lynyrd Skynyrd and several other 70s firecrackers, sucks you in. It makes a groupie, nay, a ‘band-aid,’ of us all. The band is so real, so raw and so the era of Rolling Stone, that it’s hard to fathom how they were invented in the mid-aughts. One day, Stillwater will reunite, and we can all join together and scream-sing “Tiny Dancer.”