There’s something about going on a trip somewhere different, somewhere new, completely by yourself. It wasn’t something I planned on doing. In all honesty, I expected to be with people throughout the entirety of my abroad adventures. I don’t like to be lonely, and yet, I do like to be alone. It’s always hard to balance this. Some people call it being an introverted extrovert. I’d say that I agree. I’m definitely that.
When it turned out that my roommates were heading on a field trip for the weekend, and I hadn’t gotten any plans together, I decided at the last minute to go to Budapest. (Quick aside: I highly recommend booking European flights on Vueling. Never have I gotten such a good deal, so late in the game.)
I wanted to go with people, but it didn’t seem realistic, so I just did it. CLICK! By myself. I figured that if I spent too long analyzing my decision, I would never do it. I’ve received mixed reactions from people— they’re mostly just worried. I acknowledge that. But I really want to prove to myself, and them, a bit, that I’ve got it together. I have confidence that I can take care of myself, and beyond that, I want the opportunity to test that.
When I was younger, like, not that much younger, I was fascinated by the concept of becoming a journalist. I wanted to explore the world. The interesting bits, the fun bits, the sad bits, the scary bits. I don’t think I’d fully processed how alone that would feel…but also, how completely surrounded by people I would continue to be.There’s a certain excitement in anonymity, and the stories that can be told as a result of it.
I’m more just writing to soothe myself here, but I think this is going to be good. I’ve been so sheltered and so lucky for so long, and it’s not like Budapest is some war-torn city, but I want to step outside of my physical comfort zone. I have truly no sense of direction, nor do I know a thing about where I’m going.
I so often place myself outside of what makes me feel safe emotionally, but I’ve never tested this more external boundary. Going to Rome doesn’t feel like much of a change from the norm. —And maybe Buda, as I will refer to it from now on, won’t feel too different either. But I want to give it a go. Does anyone get this?!