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Today

I have to say something- yesterday someone made a passing remark to me about posting an Instagram/Facebook picture change/status acknowledging what’s happening in Paris. It was negative and took an accusatory approach. Something along the lines of “following a trend” with somewhat empty intentions.
I need to talk about what happened in Paris. It didn’t happen to me. It didn’t happen to someone I love. But it still shatters my heart and confuses me. It makes my stomach hurt. I’ve called my mom six times in the last two days. I’ve texted almost everyone I know that I love or miss them.
I am in a different country on a different continent. I am 20, and I know nothing. I don’t know whether what I’m feeling is normal- is there a normal in this scenario? And when I’m 60, I still won’t know anything. Especially about something as unthinkable, impossible and horrific as this. I can’t sleep. It makes me wonder how my parents let my siblings and I go each morning.
I miss my family and my boyfriend and my friends. I want to hug everyone I love, and squeeze them all so extra tightly today and forever. But because I’m farther away than usual, I can’t do that. And I need to feel part of something. My individual grief and confusion is too much for me to process individually.
So that’s a reason for social media outreach.
Second, I truly want to do something. I want to change something, to take this all away and I don’t know! I don’t know! I am upset and disturbed. And I don’t know what to do. Until I figure something more out, this is what I have.
My reaction is my own. I urge others not to pass judgment on the way people respond to tragedy. Let’s just support one another today.

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